My First Time
“Will tonight be the night I ‘lose my virginity’?”
Tonight’s the night. Everything has to be perfect. I’ve been thinking about it for so long, but I really haven’t had much practice. What if I mess up? I’m glad it’s not a solo effort, but will my partner catch me if I fall? And what happens tonight will raise me to a new standing with my peers, right?
What does it really mean to “lose your virginity”?
In order to talk about having sex for the first time, we first need to know how we each define “sex”. This is very personal, and can be related to such things as sexual orientation, gender identification, religion, and more. Sex can include, but is not limited to, vaginal intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, and genital touching. The idea of “losing” your virginity is also unclear. What exactly have you lost? Another perspective on having sex for the first time is to consider it as gaining a new life experience.
How do I know if I’m ready?
There’s no set time to be “ready” for sex. Your level of readiness should not depend on your friends’ beliefs, your age, or your partner’s experiences. The only person who can decide when you are ready is you.
Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself:
Is this what I really want? Or am I using sex as a substitute for something else?
Who do I want to share this experience with? Do I trust and feel comfortable with them? Do I know what their expectations are?
Do I understand the responsibilities of ensuring safe sex? Do I know how to use a condom? Do I understand the potential risks of STIs or pregnancy?
Am I ready emotionally and physically? If not, how can I prepare?
Not everyone will know all the answers, but exploring these questions can give you a good idea as to whether or not you are ready to have sex for the first time.
The first time
It’s normal to be nervous and excited! Even if your partner does not consider themselves a virgin, it is still your first time having sex together. Here are some tips to help guide your first time together:
- Talk beforehand about what kind of protection you are both comfortable using.
- Communicate during – don’t be afraid to tell your partner if something is uncomfortable or feels good!
- Be prepared—get the materials you might need: condoms, contraceptives, personal lubricant, a safe environment, etc.
Overall, “losing your virginity” doesn’t have to be scary or daunting. Relax, laugh, enjoy the experience with your partner, and, ultimately, do what’s best for you!