By Kavitha Mathivarnan
Community is a word we often hear about. But what does it mean to have a community? Having a community is more than being surrounded by people. It is a network that provides us with a sense of companionship and shared understanding. Having a community is vital because it satisfies our fundamental human need for connection and belonging (Lowe, 2021). A strong community can provide us with emotional support during difficult times, reduce feelings of isolation, and contribute to greater happiness and overall life satisfaction (Michalski et al, 2020). In a world where many people find themselves feeling disconnected, investing in your community can have a profound impact on your social and emotional wellbeing.
Despite knowing the importance of community, building social connections can become more challenging after graduation. When we were school-aged, we spent 5 days a week with the same people, leading to countless opportunities to get to know people gradually. Some of these people may have become our closest friends. In university, the opportunities were even more abundant, as we were constantly meeting people through classes, residence, student clubs, etc. The environments we were in facilitated social connection, making it easier for us to build and maintain friendships.
However, as we enter adulthood, competing priorities such as relationships, full-time jobs, and graduate school can consume the time we have to spend on building and maintaining our relationships. Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary psychologist, suggested that it takes 90 hours together for acquaintances to become friends and over 200 hours together to become close friends (Hall, 2024). These numbers help explain why many people might struggle to make friends as adults. While many people desire close relationships, only some will consistently invest in new relationships. As a result, building friendships in adulthood requires a greater level of intentionality and patience than it may have required in the past.
If you are finding this transition challenging, it may be reassuring to know that building a community is a skill that can be learned. With a bit of time and patience, anyone can learn to build a strong and fulfilling community for themselves.
Here are a few steps you can consider building and strengthen your current social network:
One of the easiest ways to make friends after graduation is to join a third space. The term “third space” was coined by the sociologist Ray Oldenberg. It refers to places outside our home (first space) and the workplace (second space) where people can gather, connect with others, and build community (Finley et al., 2019). Some common examples of third spaces in your community include libraries, cafes, religious institutions, hobby groups, and sports teams. When you are in university, you may have naturally been offered many “third spaces”. Your residence, sports teams, club meetings, and similar spaces might have provided you with many casual encounters and opportunities to build relationships with others who share your interests. However, once we graduate, these built-in third spaces can disappear. Some of us might work in hybrid or remote roles where work may not serve as a social hub. This is why many of us may struggle to build friendships after we are no longer in an environment that facilitates social interaction. For this reason, it is very important to be intentional about joining third spaces that interest you.
Here are a few starting points to consider as you search for a third space that resonates with you:
These third spaces are more than a space to socialize. They provide low-pressure opportunities to build both strong and weak social ties, contributing to a greater sense of community and belonging. Studies have shown that they help to reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation by providing repeated opportunities to connect with others (Finley et al., 2019).
One of the key benefits of third spaces is that it is strengthened by a phenomenon known in psychology as the “mere exposure effect”. This theory suggests that we develop a preference for someone simply because we encounter them repeatedly. In other words, attending a space regularly can help to increase feelings of comfort and connection and build relationships naturally over time (Cherry, 2026). Given this, consistency is important when joining a third space, even if the first couple of meetings are a bit awkward. Time and repeated interactions play a key role in developing friendships rather than just instant chemistry. By attending regularly, you can recognize more familiar faces, initiate conversations, and become more integrated within the community.
When entering a new space, it is normal to experience discomfort and awkwardness. During this time, you may wonder whether people will like you or whether you will fit in. Interestingly, people often underestimate how much others like them. This phenomenon is known as the “liking gap” (Boothby et al., 2018). Understanding this bias can help us become more open to social situations. The liking gap reminds us that people are more receptive to us than we may think, making us more likely to put ourselves out there and initiate connections. When I enter new spaces, I like to think of the Oscar Wilde quote, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken”. Showing up as your authentic self helps you connect with people who are aligned with you and helps you feel at ease as you integrate into a new space.
While much of the discussion in this article revolves around forming friendships, it is equally critical to invest in your weaker ties. Weak ties are people with whom we maintain a casual relationship. They are your classmates, coworkers, teammates, and people you see every day but are not close with. Regular interactions with our acquaintances can enhance feelings of belonging and our overall well-being (Huxold et al. 2020). In fact, studies have shown that weak ties can be a particularly valuable resource for discovering different job opportunities, expanding social networks, and accessing new information. Although these friendships might not be as emotionally intimate, they can be key in fostering social connections and enriching our day-to-day lives.
Ultimately, building a community isn’t something that happens overnight. By consistently showing up and being open to connection and shared experiences, you can cultivate meaningful friendships and a greater sense of belonging.
Boothby, E. J., Cooney, G., Sandstrom, G. M., & Clark, M. S. (2018). The liking gap in conversations: Do people like us more than we think? Psychological Science, 29(11), 1742–1756. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797618783714
Cherry, K. (2026). Mere exposure effect: How familiarity breeds attraction. https://www.verywellmind.com/mere-exposure-effect-7368184
Finlay, J., Esposito, M., Kim, M. H., Gomez-Lopez, I., & Clarke, P. (2019). Closure of ‘third places’? exploring potential consequences for collective health and Wellbeing. Health & Place, 60, 102225. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.healthplace.2019.102225
Hall, J. A. (2018). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1278–1296. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407518761225
Huxhold, O., Fiori, K. L., Webster, N. J., & Antonucci, T. C. (2020). The strength of weaker ties: An underexplored resource for maintaining emotional well-being in later life. The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, 75(7), 1433–1442. https://doi.org/10.1093/geronb/gbaa019
Lowe, T. (2021). What is ‘community’ and why is it important? Medium. https://medium.com/centre-for-public-impact/what-is-community-2e895219a205
Michalski, C. A., Diemert, L. M., Helliwell, J. F., Goel, V., & Rosella, L. C. (2020). Relationship between sense of community belonging and self-rated health across life stages. SSM – Population Health, 12, 100676. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmph.2020.100676